Menopause? Schmenopause!

I’m getting hot flushes which were unnerving, though after a month I’m getting the hang of them. Who knew that is possible for all your circulating blood volume to rush to your skin and then go back to where it came from (this is probably not an anatomic reality but it is how it feels) in the briefest span of time? The flash/flush lasts as long as it takes to drive across a humpback bridge and connect firmly with the tarmac on the other side, with a similar though somewhat hotter 'up and over' feeling. Weird. I have about 17 flushes a day. Well, not ‘about’. Exactly 17. I counted them.

 

It’s entirely cope-able with and I’m not keeping it secret or being embarrassed. This may change, I suppose. It can feel as if my head has suddenly swelled to twice the size and is suddenly bright red and shiny – hardly inconspicuous - and I’m flailing my way out of my gilet yet again whilst apparently having swarms of invisible flying insects too close to my face and which I have to try and blow away.

 

It’s not the sign of galloping old age or a death knell to my fertility. It’s a change, or maybe a phase, like tantrums at two or spots at fourteen. Roll up! Roll up! See the purple prancing lady hit fifty.

 

I do find myself out of kilter with lay understanding of it all, though. I’ve not been interested in anyone’s menopause, particularly, until I got one  and then only because I can’t find any useful description of ‘normal’. There’s always a herbal remedy, or some naff psychobabble about it which always stops me taking any issue further - so I have never really engaged with the ‘what I am supposed to know about it’ questions.

 

The answer to my ‘does this sound normal to you?’ question at the GPs – to which I fully expected the reply ‘yes it does, more or less’  – resulted in a grudging excursion to Charing Cross Hospital with a full bladder and a request form to give to the nice lady in ultrasound. They discovered the world’s most inconsequential fibroid - 14mm long. Thumbnail size. I’ve just measured my thumbnail with my little desk ruler…. 

 

Having wandered to the GP to check I was within the ‘range of normal’ I landed up being reassured that I hadn’t got cancer, a question I had not asked; being told I could go on HRT when I had thought I’d made it clear I wasn’t looking for an intervention, just some FACTS; then being obliged to munch my way gracelessly and grumpily through three months’ supply of iron tablets for the anaemia I do not actually have.

 

I have to go back soon to get my iron content tested again. I may well be magnetic or even clank with all the iron on board by then. This could take a minimum of two appointments. Possibly one and then a phone call for results, but I expect to a) go and get the bloods done b) go and get the results. Or worst case a) go and get the form from the GP  b) go back to the nurse for the test and then c) go back and get the results.

 

I'm so glad I’m not ill, stuck behind me in the queue for an appointment.  It was a perfectly ordinary question with a hectic and overblown response.

 

I was trying to fill in my lack of knowledge but seemed to have set off a train of events designed to placate the more neurotic of the sisterhood. Which isn't me. It could be the GP I suppose.... That would explain it. I'm having iron tablets and a scan to treat my GP's neuroses about 'missing something' in a well informed patient. 

 

I share with you some dotty menopausal advertorial that I keep seeing …..

 

“Thousands of women worldwide have discovered that Menopace®, the UK’s No.1 selling supplement for the menopause, gives them effective nutritional support, and in consumer tests Menopace® has been shown to be helpful in maintaining all-round good health. Menopace® provides a natural approach to the menopause and has been specially formulated to support health during time of change.”

 

Queries

 

Are ‘thousands of women’ right though? I don't think that 'buying in a shop' is actually the same as discovering it's an effective nutritional support.

 

What is effective nutritional support? It's evidently something other than 'healthy balanced diet'. I wonder what?.....But what does this actually mean?  

 

It’s ‘helpful in maintaining all round good health’. Fruit, veg, exercise and not smoking works perfectly well enough, I find.

 

What’s a consumer test? Why not a clinical trial? Preferably randomised and blinded. Show me the RCT. Show me the outcomes. Show me the effectiveness of your ghastly little pill.

 

Just what is it about the menopause that requires ‘a natural approach’? I respectfully suggest that the natural approach to menopause is ‘get on with it, and, if the symptoms are unbearable see your GP to discuss HRT’.

 

Are they implying that menopause is not healthy? It's wild and wacky I know, but I tend to consider ‘normal’ as an aspect of ‘healthy’ myself….

 

Is it acceptable to pathologise a banal life course event? 

 

Who cares if it’s the Number One selling supplement for the menopause? The Daily Mail is a number one selling paper for  women and that doesn't reasssure me at all. Just what problem  are women being persuaded that they need to solve? What needs supplementing?

 

What on earth does ‘to support health during time of change’ mean? When is life not changing?

 

What is the evidence that women suddenly lose the ability to feed themselves at menopause and need nutritional support? Or that somehow the menopause sucks all the goodness out of you. Periods did that to me….great joy now they are on the way out.

 

Irritability might be a symptoms of menopause. I’m not irritated as a result of the menopause. I’m irritated by being treated as if I’m irrational and frightened of being an ageing women. I’m not.

 

But I do admit to occasionally being a bit hot and bothered. About 17 times a day at the last count.